Sometimes on the way to your dream,

you get lost and find a better one.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The "C" word

I don't often say the "C" word, preferring to find other alternatives.

But today?

I feel it, so I'll say it.

CRAPPY.

There! I've said it!

I'm feeling crappy. And disappointed with myself.
I'm also feeling chubby and chunky.
And not in a good way, like a bar of chocolate can be chunky.
I'm also comfy and cuddly, but only on good days.
Today is not a good day.

Some months ago, I set myself a goal.
I wanted to lose some weight.
Part of this was to look a bit better at the Bloggers Conference, but the main reason is that I'm uncomfortable at this weight.
More truthfully, it's the size I'm uncomfortable with. The extra inches around my middle that are making life uncomfortable. They are causing me to buy size 16 clothes instead of the size 12 I used to wear as little as 8 years ago.
Mostly I feel this discomfort when I'm sitting and the waistbands of my clothes stretch tight and cut in a little.
Genetics have ensured that I'm built sturdily.
We're a short, thick waisted mob, pining to be a tall string bean type is ridiculous.
But the roll of fat that shows itself when I'm sitting doesn't need to be there.


I did manage to lose a few kilos in the beginning, but since then, nothing.
I'm ashamed at my complete lack of "stick with it".
I can make plenty of excuses;
it's too hot to go for that daily walk;
icecream has milk so it's calcium;
it's not a huge pizza and I won't want the leftover bit tomorrow so I'll eat it now.
I "forgot" to buy veggies, the fruit is all gone, so I'll have pancakes for dinner.
Let's face it, I like to eat. And I don't like to exercise.
Apart from walking. I do enjoy that.


But I don't handle heat well, and while we haven't had much of a summer, many days have been too hot for comfortable walking. Another excuse, I know.....
So after getting to work, then getting home, I've been sitting.
On my bum.
Losing myself in the blogworld. It's so addictive......
Hours can pass before I look up and realise it's dinner time. Or bedtime.


And I've been eating.
Muesli bars. (They're healthy right?)
Lunch. (Everyone eats lunch.)
Icecream. (It's a hot day, icecream will help.)
Dinner. Icecream for dessert. (And for a late night snack.)


I can't seem to stop myself. The lure of the sweet is strong.


I also realise that a lot of this is brought on by the nervousness of meeting face to face so many of my internet friends and hoping I can hold up my end of any conversation. (if the subject is politics, I'm lost).
I'm also desperately hoping I'll be able to take in and remember enough information to learn stuff and blog about the weekend once I'm home.


So I've decided to ignore the whole thing until after the conference and possibly until after Easter. Hmmm, Easter.........chocolate.......yes, definitely until after Easter.
Then, there's going to be some changes.
Not too many, mostly eating less.
The weather will be cooler, it always is after Easter.
So there'll be a walk before I turn on the computer.
Two walks on days that I don't work.
Meals will be smaller, like I did in the initial weight loss weeks.
Bye, bye 5kgs.
A schedule will be drawn up.
Hours will be devoted to specific tasks that aren't done sitting on my bum.


I'll be splitting my blog reading in half. I have many blogs in my reader, far too many to get through in one day; slow connection, (dial up), slow reader, (me).


Things that need to get done will get done. (Vacuuming; way overdue).
Like menu planning, so I go back to cooking yummy dinners. Instead of pancakes, frozen pizza, beans on toast.


Turning on the computer and connecting with all my friends will be my daily reward.

9 comments:

  1. Nervous eating and stress munching and tension sugar overload. My doc told me forty years ago that if I hadn't been a stress eater I probably would have been a complusive smoker, drug addict or alcholic. I think I prefer an ice-cream.

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  2. I need to lose a few stray kilos too....

    *sigh*

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  3. It seems like a really good idea to get the Blogfest and Easter out the way first. And then .... I am wishing you lots of good things.

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  4. JahTeh; there really is no contest is there? Between icecream, cigarettes, drugs and booze. Icecream wins every time. And chocolate....

    Frogdancer; Just a few; a few here...a few there...Heh.

    Elephant's Child; There's no point at all changing things before the BlogCon, it's so close now and I don't want to be there all headachy from sugar withdrawal.

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  5. I'm not too happy with what's around my middle either and, like you, I'm going to enjoy life and not fret about it until after Easter.

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  6. I'm still struggling and will lose my bet with a friend in April but hey, I've lost 15 kilos since June 2010, slow and without too much drama. I still have a drink on the weekend and walk every day - walking really is awesome for toning if not for weight loss, so relax, enjoy and get back on the wagon when you're motivated. Good luck!

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  7. In a desperate effort to not be culled from your blog read list post conference, I make a comment of no consequence.

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  8. Kath; that's the best idea.

    Baino; the wagon awaits....

    Andrew; I'm not culling. I'll just be reading half the blogs one day, the other half the next day.

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  9. I have been feeling the same way...I was exercising quite a bit last year and lost like 17 pounds and even though I was still 225 I felt great!!! Now...back to 245 and feeling like I can barely MOVE. Gross.

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