I haven't been myself.
Not eating properly, not wanting to cook.
(Me? How unusual!)
Not sleeping well, although napping a lot.
Weird dreams that I didn't remember at all, knowing only that I'd woken several times during the night.
Hiding away at home, not wanting to go out, not even to take photos.
I was......I hesitate to say depressed, I'll go with lethargic, despondent.
I'd been thinking about my future and becoming increasingly worried.
Low paying job, low hours, no savings.
Hasn't bothered me before.
I have food, clothing, a roof over my head.
But, my rent is high. (And gets higher every year).
Working full time, it wouldn't be a problem, but I no longer work full time.
There are physical limitations and the body is feeling more and more tired.
Dammit, I'm getting old! When did that happen??
Anyway, it's what I've been hearing and reading that has gotten to me.
Rents going up even higher.
Electricity costs skyrocketing.
Food costs rising, rising, rising.
(For one scary moment, I saw myself homeless, living in a box under a bridge.)
But now things are looking up.
There won't be any immediate change, but there's light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.
Last Friday I had an appointment with someone who listened to my worries, discussed options and offered helpful suggestions.
(None of which I will be discussing here, I don't want to jinx myself at all.)
The important thing is, I spoke.
More importantly, someone listened.
I heard options that I hadn't known about.
He gave suggestions that I will be following up on.
On Saturday morning I woke late after being awake previously at 3am and reading until I fell asleep again.
I went out to do a little shopping, walking a couple of blocks further than I needed to, and stopping at the shops on the way home. I needed bread, milk, the newspaper. Not much really, the freezer and pantry are full. (Because I haven't been cooking....) And I bought a very small steak from the butcher.
I felt better for the exercise.
Later in the day, I kicked myself off the couch and into the kitchen and cooked five different vegetables and the steak.
And I felt better for having made myself do this and eat properly.
I'm thinking more clearly now. And I know there is help out there.