Sometimes on the way to your dream,

you get lost and find a better one.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I'm not the intellectual type

I don't read deep and meaningful books that will help me psychoanalyse myself,
I don't spend my days asking "why am I here?"
I don't do a lot of soul searching for the reason I was placed here on this earth at this time.
I know the answer to that one.
I am here to enjoy my years in this life and to give birth to my four children, two of whom have now had their own children and the world is a better place for it.
I certainly don't spend hours/days/months gazing at my navel* contemplating the meaning of life.
There is no meaning, life just is.

Instead, I read books that draw me into the story so deeply I feel as if I'm there, I also read books that make me laugh.

Here's a few passages that I hope will make you laugh too.

"Sunday was jelly doughnut day. It was like taking communion. I'm a Catholic by birth, but in my own personal religion, the Trinity will forever be the Father, the Son and the Holy Jelly Doughnut."

"I watched him angle out of the car and cross the street. I enjoyed the view until he was out of sight...."

"She was discreetly dressed in poison-green spandex pants and a shocking pink faux-fur jacket.You could stand her on a corner, in a fog, at midnight, and she'd be visible for three miles. 
 'Nice outfit, I said'.
'I wanted to look hot in case I got arrested. You know how they take your picture and all."

"When we were kids Valerie was vanilla pudding, good grades and clean white sneakers. and I was chocolate cake, the dog ate my homework and skinned knees.
Valerie was married right out of college and immediately got pregnant. I got married and immediately got divorced."

"I heaved myself out of my chair and went into the kitchen and got the cake. As soon as it hit the table the crying stopped. If we pay attention to anything in this family....it's dessert."

" The sky was overcast, threatening rain. No surprise there. Rain is de rigeur for Jersey in April. Steady grey drizzle that encourages state-wide bad hair and couch potato mentality. In school they used to teach us that April showers bring May flowers. April showers also bring twelve car pile-ups on the Jersey Turnpike..."

"I was half-asleep, contemplating the nutritional value of a creme-filled cupcake for breakfast.............stumbled into the kitchen and ate the package of cupcakes. I told myself it was okay to eat the cupcakes because it was a celebration. I got my car back. Calories don't count if they're connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this. Coffee would taste good, but it seemed like a lot of work this morning.......Better to go back to bed."

"His brain probably looked like those lumps of coral you buy in the pet store to put in aquariums. He opened his eyes and ambled across the sidewalk, pulling up his sagging pants."

The above passages are all from an assortment of books about Stephanie Plum, bounty hunter.
Written by Janet Evanovich.

* If you happen to catch me gazing at my navel, I've probably fallen asleep.

15 comments:

Amanda said...

The quoted paragraph about New Jersey in April is usually dead on. April is Spring, and the rains are usually abundant. Not this year, they'rea good 5-7" less than usual, and they're heading into a drought. Not Australian type drought, drought for here.

mybabyjohn/Delores said...

I'm not known for my intellect over here....I know what's important though..I know where the coffee is.

Windsmoke. said...

Nobody knows the meaning of life because life is a journey not a sprint. The only time i gaze at my navel is to pick out the lint then move on to something more entertaining :-)

Andrew said...

And just when I posted something that could well be considered navel gazing.

Sarah said...

I love the holy trinity of the jelly donut.

I've always heard positive things about those books. I think I'm too busy navel gazing to read them:)

River said...

Amanda; drought of any kind is bad anywhere, I wouldn't wish one on my worst enemy (if I had one), but Mother Nature has other ideas. Perhaps she sends them to make us properly appreciate water and the rains that bring it to us.

Delores; you've certainly got your priorities right.

Windsmoke; so far it's been a pretty good journey too. I think too many people spend too much time wondering why we're here instead of just enjoying being.

Andrew; navel gazing? This will never do. Look up! Lookout! Look around! Navels are boring.

River said...

Sarah; so far there's eighteen books in the series; you have some catching up to do. They're light reading, easy to get through and funny enough to make them worth re reading. The first book is called One For The Money, (like the movie), book two is Two For The Dough and three is.....

R.H. said...

Being interesting is as good as being funny, often it's the same thing. I found those passages dull, except for the Jersey Turnpike.

I grew up reading cheap crime fiction: "He was as wide as a Buick with both front doors open."
The best of it was funny, interesting: a particular way of saying things. Professors would call this stuff trash but the real trash is women's writing: Romance stories. Garner is a romance writer. On the other hand D H Lawrence, James Joyce and so on
are extremely dull.

peskypixies said...

Rofl. There are some good ones there!

The Elephant's Child said...

I do so love the Evanovitch books. A smile to every page and a giggle to lots of them as well.

There is an award for you at my place if you would care to stop by and pick it up.

Kath said...

Who says you're smart if you psychoanalyse yourself or read difficult books?

I reckon you're one very smart and wise cookie!

Kath said...

.....here's something to ponder: why *are* cookies so smart?

JahTeh said...

Brilliant. I have just bought my first Stephanie Plum book. I'm very low-brow when it comes to reading, all those worthy tomes that one should read leave me cold.
Of course anything written by Lord Rochester is appreciated.

Red Nomad OZ said...

Hahaha! Just LOVE Stephanie Plum. In fact, anyone with a smart (and dirty) mouth has a certain appeal!!! HHHMMMmmm... wonder what that says about me?!

River said...

R.H. these books won't please everybody, but I like them. I read some crime fiction when I was young but don't remember what they were or who wrote them. I like the "wide as a buick" quote, that's funny. Not all women's writing is trash, just like all men's writing is not good.

peskypixies; have you read any of these?

EC; have you read the ones she co-wrote with Charlotte Hughes? Just as funny. An award? Thank you, I'll be right over.

Kath; I think I'm smart because I DON'T bother with analysing myself. Life's too short. Cookies are smart because they've taken over the world. Look around, they're everywhere!

JahTeh; those thick as bricks "worthy tomes" come in handy as doorstops. (Not that I'm dissing higher education for those that want it).I'm so pleased you've started on the Stephanie Plum journey.

Red Nomad; I'll probably be reading Stephanie Plum forever, I love Grandma Mazur too. Smart and dirty mouths are fine as long as they don't get mean with it.