I don't read deep and meaningful books that will help me psychoanalyse myself,
I don't spend my days asking "why am I here?"
I don't do a lot of soul searching for the reason I was placed here on this earth at this time.
I know the answer to that one.
I am here to enjoy my years in this life and to give birth to my four children, two of whom have now had their own children and the world is a better place for it.
I certainly don't spend hours/days/months gazing at my navel* contemplating the meaning of life.
There is no meaning, life just is.
Instead, I read books that draw me into the story so deeply I feel as if I'm there, I also read books that make me laugh.
Here's a few passages that I hope will make you laugh too.
"Sunday was jelly doughnut day. It was like taking communion. I'm a Catholic by birth, but in my own personal religion, the Trinity will forever be the Father, the Son and the Holy Jelly Doughnut."
"I watched him angle out of the car and cross the street. I enjoyed the view until he was out of sight...."
"She was discreetly dressed in poison-green spandex pants and a shocking pink faux-fur jacket.You could stand her on a corner, in a fog, at midnight, and she'd be visible for three miles.
'Nice outfit, I said'.
'I wanted to look hot in case I got arrested. You know how they take your picture and all."
"When we were kids Valerie was vanilla pudding, good grades and clean white sneakers. and I was chocolate cake, the dog ate my homework and skinned knees.
Valerie was married right out of college and immediately got pregnant. I got married and immediately got divorced."
"I heaved myself out of my chair and went into the kitchen and got the cake. As soon as it hit the table the crying stopped. If we pay attention to anything in this family....it's dessert."
" The sky was overcast, threatening rain. No surprise there. Rain is de rigeur for Jersey in April. Steady grey drizzle that encourages state-wide bad hair and couch potato mentality. In school they used to teach us that April showers bring May flowers. April showers also bring twelve car pile-ups on the Jersey Turnpike..."
"I was half-asleep, contemplating the nutritional value of a creme-filled cupcake for breakfast.............stumbled into the kitchen and ate the package of cupcakes. I told myself it was okay to eat the cupcakes because it was a celebration. I got my car back. Calories don't count if they're connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this. Coffee would taste good, but it seemed like a lot of work this morning.......Better to go back to bed."
"His brain probably looked like those lumps of coral you buy in the pet store to put in aquariums. He opened his eyes and ambled across the sidewalk, pulling up his sagging pants."
The above passages are all from an assortment of books about Stephanie Plum, bounty hunter.
Written by Janet Evanovich.
* If you happen to catch me gazing at my navel, I've probably fallen asleep.
It's all my fault
1 hour ago