Thursday Thoughts # 89
from Waging War by April White:
"It is as though my purpose for living was just torn out of the book and I don't know what happens next."
"We take what happened and we make ourselves into people we can look at in mirrors without flinching."
from Days of Blood and Starlight by Laini Taylor:
"Perhaps Fate laid out your life for you like a dress on a bed, and you could either wear it or go naked."
from Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor:
"And he could catch her hand across the table just to hold it, and they could talk, and discover each other layer by layer."
Today's Thought:
discover each other layer by layer.
This is something I've only ever read about in books.
Someone meets their soulmate or the love of their life or maybe they just grow up with their best friend and they know everything there is to know about each other.
They talk and tell their secrets and fears, their hopes and dreams.
They talk, listen, understand. Laugh together, cry together, grow together. Inseparable.
For me, this is a frightening thought.
I don't know anyone so well that I know all about them; certainly no one knows everything there is to know about me.
Do I even have layers? Or is each layer discarded and forgotten as I grow past it?
If there are layers, do I want to open them up?
Why would I want to open them up?
Surely things I thought and did when I was five, ten, fifteen, couldn't possibly be worth telling about? Even if I could remember those days properly.
I've seen families who are close; even if they are states/countries apart, the connection is there.
Friends too, who grew up together, went their own ways, yet stayed in touch and remain steadfast friends no matter what. Always there for each other.
Sometimes I envy them. Most of the time I'm just happy for them, but knowing that I don't need that closeness.
But if I don't need it, why the occasional envy?
"It is as though my purpose for living was just torn out of the book and I don't know what happens next."
"We take what happened and we make ourselves into people we can look at in mirrors without flinching."
from Days of Blood and Starlight by Laini Taylor:
"Perhaps Fate laid out your life for you like a dress on a bed, and you could either wear it or go naked."
from Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor:
"And he could catch her hand across the table just to hold it, and they could talk, and discover each other layer by layer."
Today's Thought:
discover each other layer by layer.
This is something I've only ever read about in books.
Someone meets their soulmate or the love of their life or maybe they just grow up with their best friend and they know everything there is to know about each other.
They talk and tell their secrets and fears, their hopes and dreams.
They talk, listen, understand. Laugh together, cry together, grow together. Inseparable.
For me, this is a frightening thought.
I don't know anyone so well that I know all about them; certainly no one knows everything there is to know about me.
Do I even have layers? Or is each layer discarded and forgotten as I grow past it?
If there are layers, do I want to open them up?
Why would I want to open them up?
Surely things I thought and did when I was five, ten, fifteen, couldn't possibly be worth telling about? Even if I could remember those days properly.
I've seen families who are close; even if they are states/countries apart, the connection is there.
Friends too, who grew up together, went their own ways, yet stayed in touch and remain steadfast friends no matter what. Always there for each other.
Sometimes I envy them. Most of the time I'm just happy for them, but knowing that I don't need that closeness.
But if I don't need it, why the occasional envy?
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I don't know everything about myself (somedays I still surprise myself)let alone anyone else. And am comfortable with that. I feel that envy some days too. Perhaps wondering what it would be like?
ReplyDeleteThat is food for thought. I am sure I will be thinking about "layers" on and off the rest of the day. I do think I have layers and I think I am complicated.
ReplyDeleteI would say that my husband and I know each other better than any other people on the planet know either of us. I met him when I was 11 and he was 12. 52 years later, I doubt that there are too many things we haven't shared and discussed. BUT, while I have kept a group of friends for that same period of time, there are a number of things about me that none of them know. Those friends are "just friends" not people that I would consider sharing extremely private thoughts with.
I think I have interesting things to tell from my childhood but I think the majority of people wouldn't care or be interested in discussing in depth things that happened 50+ years ago.
Who knows what secrets lurk beneath my feathers?
ReplyDeleteI think you sell yourself short, River by saying - "Surely things I thought and did when I was five, ten, fifteen, couldn't possibly be worth telling about? Even if I could remember those days properly."
ReplyDeleteI've written such tales about those times in my blog. If what you say is true, then I suppose what I've written is of no interest to others. So be it, if that is the case.
I believe we have layers (my landlords have five hens in their pen...and daily they pop out eggs).
Attempts at humour aside...I do believe we have layers. A person's character/personality is not one dimensional. I know mine isn't. I would hate if it were that way.
Elephant's Child; I surprise myself sometimes too, sometimes in a good way, sometimes not, which indicates that I don't know everything about myself. If I did I wouldn't be surprised. The surprises mean we're still growing and learning, right? And that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteCheryl; interesting that your long term friends don't know everything about you; you have a need for privacy that only your husband can get into. I was married to my first husband for 23 years and in all that time never learned much about him, nor did he learn about me. He was in the Army, so away a lot, I guess that had a lot to do with it. And we weren't talkative people, I've been a non-sharer my whole life when it comes to talking about myself and things I do or like.
fishducky; I'm sure that you, at least, know some of those secrets.
Lee; my childhood and early teen years were largely spent alone, even in a crowd of kids at school, I was alone. I spent much of my time with my nose buried in a book, or sitting high in a tree, daydreaming.
Your tales, such as we read here, are more interesting, simply because you did interesting things. You had friends that you spent time with, working or socialising.
I went from stay alone at school, to stay at home wife, with hardly any time in between, and I'm wondering lately how different things might have been, how different 'I' might have been, if I'd had more time to grow up in between.
I know all my layers and they are hidden under reinforced concrete and that's where they stay. If you asked my ex who I was he would only say something superficial because that's all I'd let him see. Nobody gets to the concrete even if they breach the drawbridge and find the door to the secret dungeons.
ReplyDeleteUp to a point I have that with R, but I could never tell anyone everything. I've certainly never had a friend who I would consider a confidant.
ReplyDeleteJahTeh; I'm thinking a lot of my layers are locked away and all I see is what's appropriate to my current situation. It seems to work well for me this way.
ReplyDeleteAndrew; in the past I've told a few people a few things and haven't been able to face the how and why questions that brought up, so now I say nothing. Part of that problem may have been my mother who would relentlessly ask why until she got an answer, and "I don't know" was never acceptable. Always in your face with "you must know why" (or how).
I have my secrets I will always keep them not many but there is a part that is for me alone.
ReplyDeleteMerle.............
Gosh should be easy questions to reply to, but it's never easy.
ReplyDeleteMy husband knows me better than I know myself but, there is always a but certain things I keep to myself - I would never tell a friend 'everything', I'm a too private a person for that. I don't trust easily, people trust me. So many people have confided in me 'all'. I never tell others. As one friend says, "You can tell Margaret anything and know it's safe with her"! That's true.
Merle; I think everybody has a part of themselves that is theirs alone.
ReplyDeleteMargaret-whiteangel; I'm the same, intensely private, people trust me, but I don't trust as easily, and I don't share secrets others have told me either.
... I know I have 'layers' to my personality. I know I don't want people to know everything about me or my thoughts on things...
ReplyDeleteI like to have privates bits just for me... xxx
.. Hugs.. Barb
Love this post. We are all complex beings. And then too as we have energy or not, as we feel well or not, we act differently and even think differently. And then aging... ugh...
ReplyDeleteOk that's enough for today. :)