Thursday Thoughts #5
All you parents out there, remember when your kids were little and you thwarted them somehow for something?
They would be red faced, angry, crying, yelling "I hate you!"
Did you ever yell back "I hate you too!"?
I did.
I prefaced it with "right now", which softened the blow a bit I suppose, but I don't think it did the kids any harm to know that Mum could be angry enough sometimes to "hate" them.
On the plus side, even when angry, I loved them and they knew it. They loved me too, but probably didn't realise it when yelling "I hate you."
I remember being about six years old and "hating" my mum for some childish reason and saying I wanted to leave home. And I meant it. I was going. I dragged out my school case to put things in and was stopped in my tracks by mum offering to pack it for me.
What??
She wanted me to go??
Well, too bad! I wasn't going anywhere! Why should I make her happy by leaving?
I'd hang around and she'd be miserable. So there!
Of course it was all forgotten the next morning.
Years later my own daughter, age five, was hating me for some reason I can't remember and wanting to leave home and go to live with Grandma. I talked to her and said okay, if she wants to go, she can, but she has to wait until she is sixteen. Because it is illegal for children to travel on trains and buses by themselves until they are sixteen. T-"What's illegal?" Me- It just isn't allowed. If a policeman finds you, he will bring you straight home to me.
So T agreed to stay with us, but was adamant that on her sixteenth birthday, she'd be leaving.
She didn't.
*****
I recently saw a jewellery advertisement on TV which featured a diamond encrusted tennis bracelet.
Forget the encrusted diamonds, which were quite beautiful, and tell me, why is this called a "tennis" bracelet? What does a bracelet, diamond encrusted or not, have to do with tennis? Surely one doesn't wear such a bracelet, or any bracelet, when playing tennis? And why are there only tennis bracelets? Why not tennis earrings, tennis necklaces?
*****
Here's a passage from the book I've just finished reading. "The Last Detective" by Robert Crais.
"Time was what filled your moments, so if your moments were empty, time had no meaning.
Emptiness did not flow or pass, it simply was.
Letting himself be empty was like putting himself in neutral."
A little enigmatic on its own, but in the context of the story it made perfect sense.
*****
And now, a quote by me. Yes, me. I made it up.
"That muddy pool of despair is fine for a spot of puddle jumping, but not for any longer than it takes you to get over it."
Wallow if you must but then climb on out and shake it off.
"Easy for you to say", I hear you all shouting, "you don't suffer from depression."
And you're right. I don't.
I know people who do, I've lived with people who do.
And even with seeing it happen, following the moods through the cycles, trying to help, I still don't understand it.
I never will.
*****
They would be red faced, angry, crying, yelling "I hate you!"
Did you ever yell back "I hate you too!"?
I did.
I prefaced it with "right now", which softened the blow a bit I suppose, but I don't think it did the kids any harm to know that Mum could be angry enough sometimes to "hate" them.
On the plus side, even when angry, I loved them and they knew it. They loved me too, but probably didn't realise it when yelling "I hate you."
I remember being about six years old and "hating" my mum for some childish reason and saying I wanted to leave home. And I meant it. I was going. I dragged out my school case to put things in and was stopped in my tracks by mum offering to pack it for me.
What??
She wanted me to go??
Well, too bad! I wasn't going anywhere! Why should I make her happy by leaving?
I'd hang around and she'd be miserable. So there!
Of course it was all forgotten the next morning.
Years later my own daughter, age five, was hating me for some reason I can't remember and wanting to leave home and go to live with Grandma. I talked to her and said okay, if she wants to go, she can, but she has to wait until she is sixteen. Because it is illegal for children to travel on trains and buses by themselves until they are sixteen. T-"What's illegal?" Me- It just isn't allowed. If a policeman finds you, he will bring you straight home to me.
So T agreed to stay with us, but was adamant that on her sixteenth birthday, she'd be leaving.
She didn't.
*****
I recently saw a jewellery advertisement on TV which featured a diamond encrusted tennis bracelet.
Forget the encrusted diamonds, which were quite beautiful, and tell me, why is this called a "tennis" bracelet? What does a bracelet, diamond encrusted or not, have to do with tennis? Surely one doesn't wear such a bracelet, or any bracelet, when playing tennis? And why are there only tennis bracelets? Why not tennis earrings, tennis necklaces?
*****
Here's a passage from the book I've just finished reading. "The Last Detective" by Robert Crais.
"Time was what filled your moments, so if your moments were empty, time had no meaning.
Emptiness did not flow or pass, it simply was.
Letting himself be empty was like putting himself in neutral."
A little enigmatic on its own, but in the context of the story it made perfect sense.
*****
And now, a quote by me. Yes, me. I made it up.
"That muddy pool of despair is fine for a spot of puddle jumping, but not for any longer than it takes you to get over it."
Wallow if you must but then climb on out and shake it off.
"Easy for you to say", I hear you all shouting, "you don't suffer from depression."
And you're right. I don't.
I know people who do, I've lived with people who do.
And even with seeing it happen, following the moods through the cycles, trying to help, I still don't understand it.
I never will.
*****
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My mother often told us that she loved us - but didn't like us at all at the moment.
ReplyDeleteTennis bracelets apparently got their name because Chris Evert DID wear one while playing.
I like Robert Crais' books. Quite a lot.
I was going to run away from home at 5. My mom told me, "Don't forget your toothbrush." I left and she didn't say a thing, but she did have my older brother tail me.
ReplyDeleteEC is correct the name came from Chrissy Evert.
Once in a while I find myself in a deep slough of despair...I don't understand it either.
ReplyDeleteI can vividly recall my steely childhood resolve to never speak to my parents again. I don't remember dropping the resolve, but clearly I did.
ReplyDeleteDepression, not I feel depressed, must be truly horrible.
My brother never was going to kindergarten again, it lasted too long. "But it's only twenty minutes," my mother said. Surely you can last twenty minutes. OK, he decided, he could do that. And, he did.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many five year olds today would continue to scream "NO!"
Reverse psychology works wonders. My mother and grandmother used it often on us kids. I don't recall ever threatening to leave home when I was a small child, though.
ReplyDeleteThe Williams sisters wear a fair bit of jewellery when playing tennis, too. Perhaps the "tennis bracelets" are named after the sweat bands worn around the wrists of the players.
Oh dear leaving home at 5 I can't remember but I know I wanted to go as a teenager and I wanted to come back often after I did leave but by that time I was married with a family.
ReplyDeleteMerle...........
I never laid a heavy hand on our five sons, this was deemed to be the duty of mum, who dealt with the problems effectively despite the sweet loving lady image she portrayed. I believe my wife said "Don't complain, If dad whacks you - you would know all about it. he is paid to flog sailors tied to the mast when naughty." However,my way of quelling dissident children,was to sit them back to back a couple of feet apart on the front lawn for a half hour, if they spoke, five minutes was added. it worked most times.
ReplyDeleteMy son never told me he hated me, even in the heat of the moment.
ReplyDeleteBut once, when he was four, he told me he’d rather stay in the toy aisle (in our small country store) than go home. He was quite adamant. He grew red faced and teary at the thought of leaving. So, appearing equally adamant, I told him he could stay with the toys for as long as he wanted, and, when he was ready, he was welcome to walk home… 25kms away.
I kissed him on the forehead, and said, “See you at tea time”.
Even at that age, he was well aware of the long drive to and from town.
I pretended to walk off with the trolley, but remained hidden behind the aisle pillar, watching him. There sitting on the floor, his little brain was ticking over, then he jumped up and very promptly decided to catch up with me.
Funnily enough, he never threw a paddy in the store ever again :)
Elephant's Child; mums are pretty smart aren't they? I wondered if perhaps those bracelets were given as prizes, similar to the giant silver rose bowls that used to be given. Do they still get prizes or is it all cash now? Robert Crais is popular here too along with Jim Butcher who wrote the Harry Dresden series.
ReplyDeleteDelores; I get down now and again, but never so deep, some time out with a good book always sees me right by the time I surface.
Andrew; funny the things we resolve at a very young age never last long. You probably lasted until it was time to ask what's for dinner?
Joanne; I don't know any five year olds today who would balk at going to school. Most are more than ready. I remember not wanting to go to school in grade one and two because it was boring, I already knew all the work, I could read and write. Mum said I had to sit through grades 1+2 if I wanted to be allowed in the higher grades.
Lee; a little reverse psychology was used a lot in the past by policemen walking the beat, teenage misdemeanors were sorted on the spot and courts weren't overrun by young offenders as they are now. I'm sure those policemen learned it from their mums as well as in training.
Merle; I can't remember why I wanted to leave at six, I do remember that my in-laws had just visited when my girl was five and they'd indulged the kids quite a bit, so after they left and I was once again being mum, T decided she preferred grandma's easy going ways.
Vest; separation is an excellent method, I used it a few times myself. One to the kitchen to wash or dry dishes, one to the laundry to load the machine or fold clean clothes.
Vicki; I can understand wanting to stay in the toy aisle! I'm glad your boy realised the distance home and decided to catch up with you.
I like your quote, and heartily agree. Unless, of course, you suffer from clinical depression. Too many people, though, are sad for a day or two and say they are "depressed". Having been diagnosed with depression (almost 20 years ago now), I take exception... :-) Feel the same way about "shock". It's a medical condition! Don't make me turn this car around!!!
ReplyDeleteDylan only told me once that he hated me, but I don't remember responding...
Pearl
I did pack my little ballerina suitcase with socks and stomped out the house. I was at the end of the yard when Mom sent my older brother to fetch me.
ReplyDeleteI have many "dark moments". Depression has tortured me for decades. I finally went to a great psychiatrist, and now take anti-depressants.
Pearl; I know a few people who suffer clinical depression (hubby #2) and agree it is far, far different from a case of the blues or being down in the dumps. It's clear those people who claim depression when what they may have is a simple case of disappointment or tiredness, just have no experience of the real thing.
ReplyDeleteSusan Kane; my ex is one of the few who can't take antidepressants for his depression. He's tried many types and one or two seem to work for a few days, but not for longer and most of them have him near suicidal or violently angry within a week. His current psychologist is helping a lot. He's been seeing her for three years now and is much calmer, although still cycling in and out.
I don't think I ever threatened to run away so must have had a very happy, contented childhood.
ReplyDeleteI think EC is correct about tennis bracelets.
I don't really understand that quote from Robert Crais' book.
There are various types of depression. I do get badly depressed because of being diabetic and having fibromyalgia and arthritis but it is not clinical depression so I have no thoughts about topping myself. I have people close to me that suffer from clinical depression. One must always remember to ask people "Are you OK?" if you think there is any reason to be concerned.
I like your own quote. Very good.
Mimsie; there are probably millions of children who don't threaten to run away.
ReplyDeleteThe Robert Crais quote is about the Joe Pike character. On its own it doesn't mean much, but when you read the books and understand the Joe Pike character it makes sense. I think you'd like these books, maybe your library has them. The first in the series is titled "The Monkey's Raincoat."
Clinical depression is the one I was talking about. Down in the dumps, case of the blues, types of depression are easier to understand, because you often know the reason and of course it passes. Clinical depression is permanent and the cause is unclear.
I wonder if sometimes kids do the "I hate you!" thing just to see what sort of reaction they'd get.
ReplyDeleteA very wise post.
ReplyDeleteMy kids haven't yet said "I hate you" but have said "I don't like you sometimes Mum", and have yelled "I hate this family!"
I have bitten my tongue (so far) but have been sorely tempted to say "Sometimes I don't like you either." I will one day, I'm sure.
My mum always said the same thing - doesn't do kids any harm to know you can't say anything you like to Mum, and she has feelings too.