Written by Michael McGuire and copied from my daily newspaper

 "To help understand this modern world, a cheat's guide to understanding the Covid-19 language - Michael McGuire"

"Superspreader: What your Granny used to call margarine. She still thinks it was never as good as butter.

Slowing the spread: Using the butter straight out of the fridge.

Socially distant: When you don't know anyone and are feeling a bit awkward at a party.

Mask: Hiding your true feelings about how you are coping in a never-ending global pandemic. It's okay to admit the whole thing is just awful.

Transmission: The new Tom Cruise blockbuster where the main character rejects gender as a binary absolute.

New normal: Honestly, I've changed. That was the old me. Trust me.

Working from home: The new retaining wall is coming along beautifully and the washing is all done.

Working from home (2): A mid-arvo beer will help me through the rest of the day.

Vaccine hesitant: Everyone else is doing it, why should I?

Anti-vaxxers: Sexist term, ignores the stellar contribution of the uncle vaxxers, many of whom never shut up about one world government, government control and big pharma.

Needle: What the vast majority of people would like to give all the anti and uncle vaxxers.

Contact tracing: How much did I drink last night? Where did I get this tattoo from?

PPE: Medical version of the cartoon wrestling of WWE. Except if you get this one wrong there could be serious injury.

Mandate: What some people go looking for when they sign up for online dating.

Lockdowns: The at-home version of a pub lock-in. Dress code is more relaxed: thongs and singlets, as well as pants that hang around your bum.

Isolation: A form of consolation when you don't care what anybody else thinks about you.

Omicron: Oh my God.

AstraZeneca: The beaten up car you had when you were 18.

Pfizer: The European car you traded up to when you got your fist job.

Moderna: The family wagon with the baby seat in the back.

Open borders: Refugees need not apply.

Western Australia: Formerly part of the Commonwealth of Australia.

Density limits: Deciding you have put on too much weight during this whole pandemic and now need to go on a diet, do some exercise.

Zoom: An unwanted close and personal look into the interior decorating habits and bookcases of a nation.

Herd immunity: Hanging around with my homies, because none of us are allowed out of the house.

Novel coronavirus: The worst book since the last Jeffrey Archer hit the shelves.

Second wave: Numerically meaningless. It's all one big wave. See third wave, fourth wave. Also probably an '80s film starring Richard Chamberlain, or '90s hit by Sting. But love is not the seventh wave.

QR codes: What does QR stand for will be a pub quiz question for years to come.

Following the best medical advice: Sure Doc, I promise to finish all the tablets you  have prescribed and I understand I can't have a drink while on them.

Uncharted territory: Relying on Google maps to deliver you to your destination.

How our politicians speak about the pandemic: Personal responsibility: This is not my responsibility. That is really up to others to decide what they want to do.

Flattened the curve: Prime Minister Scott Morrison's popularity graph in the past six months.

Shake and bake: Untranslatable.

State of emergency: We could lose this election.

We've got this: We don't have this.

It's not a race: It actually is a race."

I thought most of this was funny enough to share with all of you. 😀