Sometimes on the way to your dream,

you get lost and find a better one.

Friday, November 26, 2010

*sob*sniffle*where's the tissues?*

I've been doing a lot of crying lately.
Quite unusual for me.
Clearly I don't have the control over my emotions that I used to have.
It's like a flood back here.

In the past, I've watched movies and TV shows that had the potential to be tearjerkers.
You know the sort, where you settle down to watch, but make sure the new jumbo-sized box of tissues is right there beside the choccies.
But while I've felt the emotions, I haven't cried.

Now? Holy heck, batman! I'd better buy some more tissues!!
I've watched several TV series, Criminal Minds; Stargate; Bones; and gotten to know and love the characters. Movies too.
So now, when the characters I love the most are having problems, I cry. When they're in danger, I cry. When something good happens to them, I cry.
I'm an emotional wreck over here.

But I don't feel bad about this.
It's actually a relief to be able to do this.
After years of holding back, being "the strong one", while L fell apart over whatever newest drama he was going through, I'm able to let loose myself.

And I'm able to talk about things with my friends at work.
My standard reply is no longer "I'm fine" when asked how I am.
Now I say I'm having a bad day if I am. I can even say why, if I know the reason.
(Sometimes I don't, it's just a build-up of many small things going wrong.)

This is very cleansing and I feel better for not having to hide my feelings so much.

12 comments:

  1. Hi there River, its good to cry .... and you're right it is very cleansing.... go for it!!! .... if it feels good - DO IT!!! Just found your blog and now following.... love your photos.... I am trying to get my blog up and running.... a few false starts but hopefully from here on....CWW

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  2. Don't worry River, I did the same thing after the divorce was final. Every anniversary that came up through the year was greeted with floods of tears (not because of him) and it was terrific to be able to do it and move on to leave it in the past. Mind you there are still certain films where I only have to watch the last five minutes to bawl my eyes out.

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  3. Hi River,

    I blub sometimes too - and because I'm a bloke there is a certain stigma attached to that - so I try to disguise it and end up pulling a face that scares the cats - even when I'm on my own.

    I would never ever cry in front of my mates - I would be verbally ripped apart for years.

    :0)

    Cheers

    PM

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  4. Cheese Whine and Whispers; Welcome. I'll pop over and have a look at your blog in a minute. I remember when I started mine not so long ago, wondering what the heck I was going to write about, hoping people would read. As it turns out, I'm not such a good writer, but I find it easy to write something about photos I put up.

    JahTeh; We're not divorced yet, but we will be. It's the one thing I'm insisting on. I haven't seen L in quite a while, but we have an appointment to meet up and sign papers on the anniversary of the day he left.

    Plasman; Your poor cats....
    It's nice to know men can blub and not be ashamed. Everyone needs a softer side.

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  5. Real men don't cry, but I do. I can tear up just watching the news eg the lads rescued today after 50 days at sea. But I don't think that I am an emotional wreck. I didn't do it when I was younger. A certain person even suggests that I am hard hearted. Anyway, I don't care anymore. If I cry, I cry.

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  6. That sounds really............ good!!

    I think we need to be able to fall apart sometimes or we'll explode

    hugs

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  7. It's good to have a cry when you need one. Otherwise, what the hell are tear ducts for - collecting mascara gloops?

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  8. Andrew; are you suggesting you're not a real man? Because if you're a robot, tears could make you rusty...

    Mistress B; the best part of falling apart is knowing I'll feel so much better after.

    Kath; I wish someone would invent gloopless mascara.

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  9. Ohyes very cathartic. I think it has to do with age as well. I get weepy at the drop of a hat these days, never used to. Not at TV but when I'm frustrated or things aren't going well. I think Icry when I'm mad more than sad. Still, good to get it off your chest

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  10. Baino; when I'm mad or frustrated I usually scrub the dickens out of something or rearrange some cupboard contents. very satisfying.

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  11. I LOVE having a good cry when watching a movie. I always feel so much better after! SO glad you're feeling you can express yourself more and hopefully you're getting good support from those around you when you do share how you're feeling.

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  12. Judging Amy does it for me every time, oh and let those feelings out girl :)

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